A Good Laugh

This was shared with us today at Scrapstreet, and I had to post it on my blog. If you need a good laugh, this will do it.

This is funny. (I don't have a clue as to who wrote
this, but....WHAT A HOOT!) All hair removal methods have tricked women
with their promises of
easy, painless removal The Epilady, scissors,
razors, Nair and now...the
wax.

Read on.........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come
home, fix dinner, play
with the kids. I then had the thought that would
ring painfully in my mind
for the next few hours: "Maybe should pull the
waxing kit out of the
medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those
"cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the strips
together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
them apart and press them
to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair
right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm
not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to
figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips
facing each other stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my
genius kicks in so I get out
the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold
wax," yeah...right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around
it tight and pull.
It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
fighter of all wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking
on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip
across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha
and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay
conscious...must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe,
breathe..................OK, back
to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the
one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want
to revel in the glorythat is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on
the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's
not! I touch. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the
next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the
toilet? I know I
need to do something, so I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
out what to do and think
to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.
My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the
hottest water I can stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered
bits and the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than
that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I
sit.
Now, the only
thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them
glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though
I had cemented myself
to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
convinced me a few months ago
to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my
friend, thinking surely
she has waxed before and has some secret of how to
get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and
hoo-ha are glued together to
the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but
she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants
to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole
or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I
give her the rundown and
she suggests I call the number on the side of the
box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night. While
we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off
with a razor .
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies
covered in hot wax, glued
shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then
dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a
major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress
counselling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally
see my saving grace....the
lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub
some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!< BR>
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my
friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair colour......